[Super Duper Fantastic] ISFP/INFP. 4w5. World Explorer. Super Hero. Rose-colored Glasses.

What resonated with me the most from this conference, aside from obvious emphasis on healthy eating / living, was the acceptance of self and loving oneself. Rather than changing the way you look, you have to change the way you see first.

My issues do not stem from weight [although I am slightly underweight] as some of the stories I’ve read do. They come from living with a physical deformity for so many years. Surgery has “fixed” it, but it hasn’t really fixed the emotional trauma from not looking “normal.” I struggle with that even now. Some days are better than others. Particular weeks in the month when the hormones are out of whack are noticeably harder than others. On those days, on top of feeling miserable physically, I look in the mirror and think negative thoughts about how I look post-surgery.

It’s all me. I am aware of what I am doing when I do it, despite having the loving and supportive reinforcement from family and friends. I need to stop and think positively from the inside. Easier said than done, but I have to start somewhere.

Aren’t these absolutely fascinating to look at? You get to see all the nuts and bolts of the operation. Click on the photos for a larger view!

It irks me that the screws seem to be facing such arbitrary directions, but whatever – they get the job done! There are no visible scars, but if you run a finger along my lower jaw on each side, you can feel the gap in the bone. Kinda creepy, but neat too.

From the surgery until forever, I’ll have these titanium plates and screws in my face! They fortunately do not set off any alarms. Here are a side view and a full view of my head:

For those who are just joining the story now, I had a severe Class III maloclussion [underbite] for most of my life, which was finally corrected the day before New Year’s Eve last year. Talk about a rough way to end 2009 or to start 2010. Luckily, I have very supportive family and friends, and I made it through all of that. It was considered medically necessary because of just how far apart my teeth were. I had an open bite, and really none of my teeth touched when I ate. I don’t know HOW I survived the 28 years prior to surgery.

The surgeon widened the upper jaw and cut out a piece of the lower jaw and moved it back. Not a pretty surgery to imagine. I was banded shut with a splint for about six weeks before I was allowed to get off the liquid diet and start feeling “normal” again.

I have waited long enough to put the side-by-side comparison of the side view on the internet, so here it is:

Please excuse the extremely frazzled look due to lack of sleep. I schedule my orthodontist appointments for the morning, so I don’t have to take off too much time from work.

I’ve said goodbye to the old and am getting accustomed to the new. After eating solid foods since mid-February and exercising for the last three weeks, I have to come to terms that this is probably what my face will look like for the long haul [plus a few extra wrinkles and gray/white hair when I'm older]. I have the same prominent jaw line and tiny titanium screws in my face!

It’s interesting how the surgery changed the face shape completely simply by moving the jaw back. Very little will change from this point forward other than regaining feeling in parts that are still numb. I’ll be able to open my mouth wider and wider as time goes on.

I think I will cross this off the 101 in 1001 when I’m finally done with the braces too. It’s all just a part of the process, just like dealing with the hospital’s red tape – scheduling drama, billing, etc.

020 – Document jaw surgery. Before and after.

Looks like Sergio is pretty comfortable with the current living situation. Soooo cute! He has a fuzzy face that I want to squish. Can you tell I’m totally loving this cat? I’m surprised that I’ve not yet had crazy allergy attacks. The allergy meds are sitting in a drawer in case they do attack on a moment’s notice though.

Surprisingly, I am still working on the Become An Early Riser in 5 Days challenge. This morning, I awoke at 6:40, but getting out of bed was a different question. Our super comfy mattress doesn’t help! Notice how I’m doing worse each day?

Since I had an appointment with the oral surgeon, I had to get up earlier than usual anyway. While I waited for about thirty minutes past my appointment time, the surgeon came in, saw me, and that was that. I’m still in recovery mode. Nothing exciting to report back, other than that I have to keep doing mouth-opening exercises. I have an appointment to check in with him in two months.

In other news, my sexy red mixer arrived! It is certainly as beautiful as I had hoped. But what shall I attempt to make first? Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not particularly skilled in the cooking department. Maybe I should stick with something that I already know, like a simple chocolate chip cookie recipe?

The possibilities are endless now that I am not mixing by hand with a spoon!

My favorite food in the entire world is the absolutely versatile rice noodle. Not only does it come in quite a few enjoyable forms [pho, chow fun, vermicelli], it is also inexpensive and unobtrusive to the wallet. For the most part, it takes on any flavor that you want it to – just slather on the sauce!

After that, on the other end of the cost spectrum, would be sashimi. Some high school friends took me out for a “Hooray, you can eat non-liquids again!” celebratory dinner. I was spoiled with omakase at Kabuto Restaurant. It was not only delicious, but quite the presentation.

It is absolutely wonderful to be able to eat again. Some parts of my face/mouth are still numb, but I can definitely enjoy my meals now. Our kitchen is almost ready for use. There are a few final touches, and we have to clean up the dust off our new appliances.

Today, we received a letter of complaint from the Department of Building Inspection. Someone apparently came by the house and wrote up a complaint email to them. I hope it is more a hiccup than a hindrance [financial and otherwise], especially since what the person said in their email was for the most part, not true. That part upset me the most. Someone had the time/nerve to throw lies in our direction. *shakes fist*

What can you do when someone files a BS complaint other than to go through the system and hope that it all clears up after meeting with the inspector? Except, we also heard that this particular inspector has a reputation for writing up complaints and later taking bribes to clear your name. W T F.

I feel as if I have tricked my orthodontist. I went in on Friday with the saddest face ever and complained about not having any real food for eight weeks [aka FOREVER]. To my surprise, he bought it, and the bands didn’t come back on once they were removed. I’m hoping it isn’t a fluke. I am seeing the oral surgeon this week, so hopefully he is okay with all of this.

In the meantime, I’m showing off that I can open up my mouth about an inch. Parts of the inside of my mouth are still numb, so I can’t really tell where the food is when it’s in my mouth. I put the food in, move my jaw up and down in chomping motions, and then swallow. So far, it has worked!

Here’s what I’ve eaten since the bands came off:

- unblended rice porridge
- unblended taro tapioca dessert
- really soft carrots, but the curry they were cooked in didn’t sit well with my stomach
- “water egg” [a common Chinese dish at our dinner table made of steamed water and eggs]
- grapefruit
- Garlic Fish and Spicy Eggplant over rice [take-out from local Chinese place]
- chocolate/banana/peanut milk smoothie
- thick cut [therefore, starchy] french fries with their jagged ends ripped off
- two small pieces of sushi [Salmon/Avocado and Spicy Tuna]

This is so great. I am SO happy to be off liquids. Keeping my fingers crossed that the oral surgeon doesn’t throw the bands back on when I see him this week!

On top of finally being able to eat, I love being able to talk again. Who knew I had so many words in me? I didn’t really notice until I couldn’t speak.

The splint is out! What a relief. That piece of plastic was getting pretty gnarly from seven weeks of just sitting in my mouth. Yuck and definitely TMI! So now I’m splint-free, but sadly still on the liquid diet. I’m in a much better mood though now that the surgeon has had the chance to see me. It was just not knowing how everything was healing up that was bothering me and adding to my overall impatience.

PLUS, I can talk again!

On Friday night, we went to the Chabot Space Center to see Festizio [@festizioband] perform in the planetarium. YES, IN the planetarium. How cool is that? The sound was fine from where I was standing, but I think the dome didn’t help carry the sound properly to the rest of the space. No matter – it was still a great time! AND for the first time in a long time, I could actually introduce myself to people and roam around without keeping RV or Keane or the sister by my side. Those three were my interpreters for the longest time – poor things!

It was a good show overall. They played some new songs, one of which I am a huge fan of. I found myself humming along to the recording Keane did for me the next morning. Listen to it here!

Throughout this entire process, one thing is certain: I am not alone.

It doesn’t matter that it is only my face that’s affected; everybody is wonderfully supportive. Rather than lock myself up at home, I go out quite a bit. By week three, I was not so swollen and had the energy to go out. I’d make sure to bring enough food to last me the duration of the outing. While everyone else is enjoying their food or booze, I down an Ensure Plus beforehand and hang out with my own beverage [non-alcoholic preferred]. Alcohol, like most everything else, just doesn’t taste the same with the splint in.

In doing so, I find out that many I encounter have known someone who has had jaw surgery or are going to have jaw surgery at some point. What I don’t understand is why I don’t see more of them out and about. Before this, I’d never run into those people?! Are they just locking themselves up during the healing process? Or perhaps they heal much quicker since their procedures may not be as dramatic as mine? One week out of the social loop compared to seven?

After many calls and emails, I was finally able to secure an appointment for next week. There’s no guarantee that the bands and splint are coming out, but at least I’ll have gotten checked up on. One of the bands from my braces fell out too, so the sooner I take care of the bands/splint, the sooner I can make an appointment to see the orthodontist to fix that. I’ll also be able to go to the dentist! I am in dire need of a cleaning, considering everything’s been SHUT for the last six weeks. Absolute grossness is all I can say.

The hospital enjoys toying with my mind. I’ve come to that conclusion.

After postponing my surgery for three months [and only after several false potential appointment alarms], they’re now messing with when I can get my bands/wire removed. So the surgeon got sick, but that doesn’t mean his residents can’t relieve me of this liquid diet of no foreseeable end. Seriously. We’re calling them every day, leaving messages, and getting no responses.

The earliest date they gave me for an appointment was March. That’s more than a month away, and it’s after all the Lunar New Year festivities that I’ve been anticipating for the last few weeks. It’s out of the schedulers’ scope, really, so I just need to get in touch with a resident or the doctor himself.

*shakes fist*

All we can do is keep calling.

In the meantime, I’ve got COBRA payments to make as it appears that this whole thing won’t be finished for a while longer. My supportive coworkers have been the saving grace. I can take time off as necessary to rest, which will also allow me time to sort things out with the new house. You know, things like picking out cabinets, counters, and floor tiles.

Oh, and RV made me the most delicious guacamole shake today – avocados, chicken broth [lots of it + water], cilantro, onion, and mild salsa [because the spicy stuff really kicks your throat when it goes straight back].

All this counting down to when I can eat again, and I knew it would be too good to be true. I received a message yesterday. It was the oral surgeon’s office calling to reschedule. Of course, they don’t just call my cell phone, so I get the message right away. Instead, I have to call back on Monday.

So not fair.

This will surely result in a delay of splint removal. I’m hoping it’s not for more than a week because the Lunar New Year approaches. That means family feasts. I’ll need time to reacquaint my jaw to that chewing motion.