[Super Duper Fantastic] ISFP/INFP. 4w5. World Explorer. Super Hero. Rose-colored Glasses.

Since it seems that as of late, I’ve been dealing with some issues, I thought that I would revisit the advice I found almost two years ago. It’s still relevant and useful.

from the Enneagram Institute…

* Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: “From our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.
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In November 2008, I asked myself the following six questions:

1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it?
2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me?
3. Am I doing something that matters?
4. What am I doing to help others?
5. Am I as good a person as I want to be?
6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy?

I plan on revisiting these questions every year.

If you decide to answer these questions, let me know where to find your answers [if you don't leave them in comments below].

1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it?
Friends and family.

This part of the answer has not changed, but now that I am no longer living under the same roof as the immediate family, I make a conscious decision to eat dinner at their house to spend time with them.

In terms of friendship, after realizing that I shouldn’t waste time on those who don’t reciprocate the effort, it’s been easier.

2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me?
It seems you can add two years to a person’s life, and while it may bring about experiences, it doesn’t necessarily bring about clarity. I don’t feel as if I am going through the motions of life, but in terms of defining that one “dream,” it’s difficult.

I want to travel and see the world.

I want to continue learning.

I want to become involved around the city.

I want to be crafty.

These are just a few of many.

3. Am I doing something that matters?
The job that pays my bills isn’t a life or death matter, but I think everything else I do matters. It might not matter to the universe, but it matters to me.

4. What am I doing to help others?
Once in awhile, I still volunteer. I still donate to charity. I still make loans on Kiva. I’ll keep working on this one.

5. Am I as good a person as I want to be?
There’s always room for improvement, but I always remind myself not to break myself apart over imperfection. You are your own worst enemy, and if anyone could tear you down, it’d be yourself.

6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy?
I’ll leave this one unanswered this time.

This was taken last weekend at the top of the Pool Ridge Trail in Armstrong Redwoods State Reserve.

If you were an animal for a day, what would you choose? Why?

CONNECT WITH YOURSELF
+
DEFINE SUCCESS
+
CULTIVATE POWERFUL HABITS
+
COMMIT TO YOUR HAPPINESS
=
AUTHENTIC JOY

During the first week of The Joy Equation program, the journal prompts and activities work together to get the brain juices flowing in the direction of understanding yourself and what your core values are. I found it eye-opening in terms of the internal process that occurs when asked these questions each day.

I noticed what I was focusing on in my writing, the thought process, and my attitude. And while each journal entry usually didn’t extend further than a page of writing [my hand would get tired], it brought about other questions that I wanted to address later on. Those journal entries will probably grow in length a little later.

In terms of the timing, I’m a little bit behind. The weekend trip threw me off balance, and in addition to the journal prompts, the activities take a little more time and preparation. That’s okay though. I’ll get through it and come out ahead at the end.

Meet Yoshitomo Nara’s Pyromaniac Journal. At one point, I began documenting my dreams in this journal. I only got about three pages into the notebook.

Several days ago, I needed a journal to begin The Joy Equation, a 30-day guide to living life on purpose. I tore out the three pages of the former dream journal and started writing again. I signed up out of curiosity, and Molly made it easier by changing her pricing model to make it more affordable and accessible to all.

While I don’t think of myself as being in a crisis [or at least I don't dwell upon it too much], it certainly does not hurt to get introspective with oneself and become inspired. I’m currently on day five with about three journal entries under my belt. What I’m discovering right now is that the prompts are questions I’ve thought about, but I hadn’t formulated an answer for. Now I’m addressing those issues in my journal.

I’ll tackle another prompt tonight, as I await the Joy Plan Workbook’s arrival. I’m curious and fascinated to learn what the rest of the program will reveal.

To live a day, a week, a month, a year, a life without judgment.

It’s no April Fool’s joke.

I’d not heard of Saturn Return until very recently. Jessica brought it up during Burning Man when she celebrated her 27th birthday. Basically, when Saturn moves back to the place it was the moment you were born [taking approximately 29.5 years], you are “reborn,” but not before you are put through a series of tests. It’s often considered a time of change. It could mean facing one’s fears and reality. If you’re heading down a path that isn’t quite suited for you, Saturn will be tough and will not be shy about letting you know.

When I was born, Saturn was in Libra. Also, the United States’ Saturn Return is in Libra, and during the past six Saturn Returns, the country has gone through a LOT. Look it up on the internet if you don’t believe me. It’s pretty crazy, and the seventh will likely not be much different from the previous.

Saturn will once again occupy the sign of Libra from October 29, 2009 to April 7, 2010, and if that wasn’t enough, again from July 21, 2010 to October 5, 2012. Over two years of it; I know I’m in for quite the ride!

And all the while, I thought that my 27th year was the one full of changes…

FYI – Your Saturn Return is in Libra if you were born between:

November 21, 1950 to March 7, 1951
August 14, 1951 to October 22, 1953 or
September 22, 1980 to November 29, 1982 or
May 7, 1983 to August 24, 1983

I am still putting together my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days, and it’s getting really hard because I want the list to matter. I don’t want it just to be of things to just cross off a list, even though those are easier. I may have a lot of those as filler. Six questions I thought about while working on the list:

1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it?
Friends and family. Ever since this summer, I have not done as good of a job balancing between the two. Many of my friends do not have family nearby or live away from them, so their time is not split between the two. I went to dim sum today with the mom and sister, and it was just nice to have that mother-daughters time. I told her about RV. And of course, the first few questions were related to his race and whether or not he had a job.

2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me?
I don’t know what my dream is anymore, and that might be the problem. I’m going through the motions of life. I suppose it’s always been my goal to make the most of life, but that doesn’t necessarily constitute “a dream.” Am I stopping myself?

3. Am I doing something that matters?
I often talk about how my work is not a life or death matter, so as not to be stressed about it. However, in the end, the work does matter to someone out there. What other things can I do to make “it” matter?

4. What am I doing to help others?
Once in awhile, I volunteer. I go down to the food bank and help sort rice or beans. Sometimes I donate to charity. I also make loans on Kiva. What else can I do to help others? I’m thinking that it does not necessarily have to be someone or some group that I don’t know personally. Helping out a friend or acquaintance would count just the same.

5. Am I as good a person as I want to be?
I think so. There’s room for improvement, but I won’t put the pressure on.

6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy?
They all sort of tie together, with this one as the big one. Passion, health, and energy? I often find myself exhausted and tired, knowing that my time was not well-spent. Ugh. It disgusts me. I need to take part in activities that invigorate and wake me up!

Saturn in the Third House
You try to think everything through very carefully. Not one to shoot off your mouth, you plan your speech quite carefully and work out your ideas in detail until they are complete.

When you are learning something new, the teaching has to be structured very carefully to make it understandable. It is not that you are at all slow witted, but ideas have to be orderly for you to understand them.

When you are older, this trait will be very useful in business, but it can also cause trouble, unless you learn to be more flexible in your thinking. Often the best ideas and innovations are very loose and hazy at first, developing a firm structure later on.

In general, you are likely to be very conservative in your thinking, or at least to hold on all your life to ideas and beliefs acquired in childhood. You may also be more serious than most people of your age, at least in your point of view.

It’s a little weird how despite my being very random, I would need to learn in a very structured way. I guess it just has to make sense for it to sink in.

Mercury Conjunct Saturn
You are slow and careful in your thinking, because you want to know all the facts before making a decision, and even then you take your time. You are conservative, preferring to deal with familiar ideas that you have tested carefully in the past. Before you adopt a new idea you test it against your experience, partly because you are unusually anxious to avoid mistakes.

Unfortunately, your seriousness can make you tend toward depression and loneliness. You may feel that you are alone when you are not, and that no one likes you, although it is not true. Try to learn to relax and have fun and to do things merely for the fun of it. Eventually you will learn that living only for what is “important” does not make life rewarding.

Yes, I do get those feelings of being alone and not liked. I know it’s not true, but sometimes you cannot help feeling that way. Of course, these days I’m surrounding myself in a lot of fun things, so it’s all good. I think the problem is also thinking that there is more to life than x. The helplessness comes when x does not seem attainable.

Jupiter Conjunct Saturn
Throughout your life you will make plans and try to organize your affairs with care and discipline. You do not want to go too far too fast, and you want to have a structure that will regulate your life and keep it moving forward in the best possible manner. When you take up a task, you follow it through systematically and thoroughly.

Problems arise when something or someone stops you or gets in the way of your objectives. You do not immediately fight back. Instead, you try to go on as before, but you get increasingly restless and irritable. Eventually you cannot stand it anymore, and you try to get away from the restriction.

I wonder what this is saying about how I am in relationships. I try to adapt to whatever situation, but eventually it eats away at me so much that I’ll speak up. Right?

Saturn Conjunct Pluto
This aspect signifies that you can endure very difficult times, if you have to, and that you have an unusual degree of tenacity.

There may be a scarcity of some element or experience in your life. If this is the case, you will have to work very hard in an organized and disciplined way to make up for it.

Some persons with this aspect respond to the changes that must come in life with fierce resistance. You will have to cultivate the attitude of letting nature take its course, instead of building up structures to prevent change. But if you allow changes to take place in your life, your inner fortitude will be more than enough to help you through any difficult times.

I welcome change, and it never seems as if life is too difficult. Sure, I lack the motivation at times, but I know that those conditions are temporary.

Venus Sextile Saturn
You may not have a great many friends, but the ones you do have will be reliable and long-lasting. You are willing to give up some excitement in your relationships for the sake of having friends whom you can count upon. Sometimes, in fact, you are so serious that you find it hard to let go and have a good time.

You are not as outwardly affectionate as others, but you are reliable and steady in your feelings. When you are older, you will probably have only a few love relationships, but those few will be enduring and dependable. Here again you will choose people you can trust, who will always be there when you need them. And you will be just as loyal to your partner.

Very true when it comes to friendships. I value them, and even though I might not show my affection on a regular basis [trying to], it’s there. Actually, sometimes I am afraid that I am letting the excitement of a new relationship carry me away from my friends. I can only hope that they speak up and let me know when I’ve gone too far away. I want to be as dependable to them as they are to me.

Saturn Sextile Ascendant
This aspect suggests that early in life you will develop a more serious temperament than most young people and that you will learn to handle responsibility sooner than most.

You may not have a lot of friends, but the ones you do have will be as reliable and loyal to you as you are to them.

You may not feel very comfortable in a group, preferring to deal with people on a one-to-one basis, so that you and the other person can have each other’s complete attention.

Your hopes for life are practical, for you see no point in trying to live up to impossibly high standards that inevitably mean failure. So you set realistic goals that you know you can attain.

Realistic goals. Yes. One-to-one interactions. Yes.

Pluto in the Third House
When you become interested in something, you try to get as deeply involved as possible. You want to understand its workings at a very profound level and from every point of view.

Those who disagree with you will find it very hard to change your mind because you analyze ideas so thoroughly before arriving at an opinion. You are a born investigator.

You are quite good at getting others to agree with you, as long as you do not try to force them. But if you state your point of view without trying to convince anyone, others will agree with you quite readily.

Useful information to know! DONE.

Sun in the Third House
Your mind is active, quick and quite curious. You are fond of talking and asking questions, although you sometimes speak when you have nothing to say. The more you can see and experience, the happier you are.

Your curiosity and your quick mind will help you in school, but you will have to learn to discipline yourself.

When you are older, communications may be an important part of your career.

You like to match wits with others, as in arguments, both friendly or unfriendly, and in word games or puzzle solving.

That sounds so much like me, except I’m not one for arguments. I love talking and asking questions when I am with people that I am comfortable with, not so much among strangers. I do love to experience as much as I can. It does make me happy.

Sun Conjunct Pluto
You are more likely to go to extremes than most people because you don’t like to do anything halfway. You want every experience to be complete and intense.

You are strong willed and like to get your own way, so you may find it difficult to make compromises with others in order to get along. But that is precisely what you must learn to do; otherwise you will be alone and cut off from people who won’t want to associate with you.

You have a strong desire to be a leader, which you can do quite well, as long as you keep other people’s needs in mind along with your own. You are particularly good at leading others in carrying out an important task. You like to take on ambitious projects that test your abilities.

If only every experience could be intense… I’d always have something to write or talk about. It’s true that I must learn to compromise with others. Making acquaintances comes easily for me. Making friends does not. I tend to disassociate with people after awhile, so that they can’t be first in not associating with me.

Sometimes I am not as good of a leader as I would like to be. Must work on that.

Sun Conjunct Jupiter
You are likely to be generous and to enjoy doing things for people. In fact, the more you do, the better you feel about yourself. But you tend to have a very high opinion of yourself anyway, which can present problems, for you may become arrogant and conceited if you aren’t careful. Probably you are a good person, but you do not have to prove it constantly to others.

Try to find out what you really are and what you aren’t; in this way the favorable side of this aspect will come out strongly.

You also want to be concerned only with important matters, so you strive to learn as much about the world as possible. You are broad-minded and tolerant of unfamiliar or offbeat ways of doing things.

Your optimistic, positive attitude affects both you and those around you by making everyone more willing to make the extra effort that makes the difference.

Yeah, you better recognize! Just kidding – hah! This bit is so true though. Doing good makes me feel good about myself. I’ll try not to be conceited. ;) The “broad-minded and tolerant” part is definitely the 4w5 in the Enneagram typing! I’m a little offbeat and love all things bizarre.

Sun Conjunct Mercury
You have a good mind, and you enjoy talking with people. A good conversation means more to you than many other things, but you may have one problem. This aspect indicates that you like to take the active role in any discussion; that is, you are a better talker than a listener. To a certain extent you can’t help this, but if you are conscious of it, you can prevent it from becoming a difficult problem.

Your mind may or may not be fast, but it is working constantly. You have a great need to express your opinions, and you can’t stand it when people don’t take your ideas seriously.

Sometimes this aspect means that you have a lot of ability to work with your hands. Certainly such activities as building things or working with gadgets are good for you as a way to release nervous energy that would otherwise build up.

A good conversation means a lot, and I think over time, I’ve realized that I don’t have to be talking all the time. I also love to listen. Although sometimes, I see where I get overly excited about something and can’t shut up.

Sun Square Moon
This aspect is often a sign of inner emotional conflict, which is not all bad, however. You have the capacity to challenge yourself from within, to question and examine yourself. Thus, as you go through life and meet various challenges, you will be used to the idea of making changes. In fact in a real sense you will never stand still, but must constantly evolve and grow.

You attract partners or lovers who symbolize the side of your personality that you are less aware of. As a result the people you attract may seem to not accept you as you are. The real problem is your lack of self-acceptance, however. And this is the lesson you will face throughout life – to accept yourself.

Self-acceptance is key, and I’m finally learning it.

Sun Sextile Neptune
You are very sensitive to others’ feelings, and you understand aspects of people that even they cannot express.

But this sensitivity can be a problem at times. You may be easily hurt by people’s remarks, even when no hurt is intended. You may pretend to be patient and pleasant even when you are quite angry about a situation that you feel can’t be changed. You must learn to be more forthright about your own feelings, for you have as much right as anyone to be yourself.

You are also an idealist, who would very much like to see a more beautiful and perfect world. Learn to see the beautiful side of reality, as well as the harsher facts.

Yup, I can be pretty passive aggressive, but I’m working through it. Being able to communicate has been important. I do tend to read more into what other people say than I should, or I try to communicate by hiding what I really want in something else… Gotta be forthright.

I have one more of these to write about.