[Super Duper Fantastic] ISFP/INFP. 4w5. World Explorer. Super Hero. Rose-colored Glasses.

What resonated with me the most from this conference, aside from obvious emphasis on healthy eating / living, was the acceptance of self and loving oneself. Rather than changing the way you look, you have to change the way you see first.

My issues do not stem from weight [although I am slightly underweight] as some of the stories I’ve read do. They come from living with a physical deformity for so many years. Surgery has “fixed” it, but it hasn’t really fixed the emotional trauma from not looking “normal.” I struggle with that even now. Some days are better than others. Particular weeks in the month when the hormones are out of whack are noticeably harder than others. On those days, on top of feeling miserable physically, I look in the mirror and think negative thoughts about how I look post-surgery.

It’s all me. I am aware of what I am doing when I do it, despite having the loving and supportive reinforcement from family and friends. I need to stop and think positively from the inside. Easier said than done, but I have to start somewhere.

For those who are just joining the story now, I had a severe Class III maloclussion [underbite] for most of my life, which was finally corrected the day before New Year’s Eve last year. Talk about a rough way to end 2009 or to start 2010. Luckily, I have very supportive family and friends, and I made it through all of that. It was considered medically necessary because of just how far apart my teeth were. I had an open bite, and really none of my teeth touched when I ate. I don’t know HOW I survived the 28 years prior to surgery.

The surgeon widened the upper jaw and cut out a piece of the lower jaw and moved it back. Not a pretty surgery to imagine. I was banded shut with a splint for about six weeks before I was allowed to get off the liquid diet and start feeling “normal” again.

I have waited long enough to put the side-by-side comparison of the side view on the internet, so here it is:

Please excuse the extremely frazzled look due to lack of sleep. I schedule my orthodontist appointments for the morning, so I don’t have to take off too much time from work.

I’ve said goodbye to the old and am getting accustomed to the new. After eating solid foods since mid-February and exercising for the last three weeks, I have to come to terms that this is probably what my face will look like for the long haul [plus a few extra wrinkles and gray/white hair when I'm older]. I have the same prominent jaw line and tiny titanium screws in my face!

It’s interesting how the surgery changed the face shape completely simply by moving the jaw back. Very little will change from this point forward other than regaining feeling in parts that are still numb. I’ll be able to open my mouth wider and wider as time goes on.

I think I will cross this off the 101 in 1001 when I’m finally done with the braces too. It’s all just a part of the process, just like dealing with the hospital’s red tape – scheduling drama, billing, etc.

020 – Document jaw surgery. Before and after.

I went in to see the surgeon today. Yup, the Sunday before the big day. He wanted to take a look at my bite one final time before practicing the procedures on my models. It was like being at a zoo, poked and prodded and analyzed by the surgeon and his residents.

One commented, “She doesn’t seem phased.”

Yeah, well two post-op appointments would do that to you. I also had a string of other mouth-related appointments earlier in the week, so pulling of my lips up and down and sticking popsicle sticks along my gums? Used to it.

I’m glad he called to meet up beforehand though. He explained the procedure, and the gist of it is this: Break the upper jaw, move it forward, tilt it, and also widen it. To widen it, they make it into two pieces before they screw everything together and hold it in place with titanium plates. Risks include possibly killing the blood supply to certain parts of the mouth and potentially ending up with dead teeth. Gross. During the surgery, my sinuses will fill up with blood too, so I’ll be congested for awhile, and I won’t be able to blow my nose. The lower jaw will be cut around the nerve and then put back together, so that it lines up with the upper jaw. If they hit the nerve, it might be numb indefinitely.

Fantastic, huh?

The surgery will last between 6-8 hours. The good news? The surgeon has had one of these such surgeries every week for the last month or so. Bad news? I’ll be wired shut with a splint for FOUR weeks.

It’s too late to back out of it now. I knew what I was getting into when I started all the appointments, sorta…

Two more days.

Okay, not quite. But guess what?! I have a surgery date! Rather than just call me back to let me know, I received a letter from the hospital telling me my surgery date and my pre-op date. THANKS. At least it’s sooner than I had anticipated.

So here’s the dealio. I’m not really getting a NEW face, but my profile might change a bit because the jaw surgery affects both my lower and upper jaw. I will mostly look the same… I’ve had a severe underbite for my entire life, and basically what they’re doing is saving me a lifetime of trouble. In the long run, I’d have problems with eating if I left everything as is. They’re going to knock me out with anesthesia, take apart my upper and lower jaws, reproportion the bones [cut some out and put some back in], and then they’ll put me back together. They’ve done it for many years, so it’s not uncommon.

Recovery time is between a week and a month [more like 1.5 months!]. I won’t be able to eat really. I’ll have to relearn to speak with my new mouth. Liquids will be my friend. Side effects may include loss of feeling in the face. If I’m drooling away while talking to you and not noticing, you will know why. For the first few days, I’ll look completely swollen and gross. I am NOT looking forward to that. That’s alright though. I’ll probably just lock myself up in the house with my pain meds. ;-)

So YES, a surgery date’s been set. Hooray! Rejoice! Another one off the list.

021 – Schedule jaw surgery date.

An update on the 101 in 1001:

020 – Document jaw surgery. Before and after.
My orthodontist is pretty high tech. “Before” photos are accessible upon logging into their system. Why I didn’t bother to look before is beyond me. They’re not pretty. These are definitely unflattering photos of me. Class III Severe Malocclusion – Woo!

The underbite is rather severe. I haven’t taken updated photos at the orthodontist, but basically all the teeth are straightened out now. A few teeth were removed. And now, there’s no more overlapping of the teeth in the front. The braces don’t fix the fact that my lower jaw is a lot larger than my upper jaw, so I still have a horrible underbite. Jaw surgery will fix that. Can’t wait.