Continuing on the previously explored topic on whether a particular “friendship” is or isn’t worth your time, I want now to address the matter of strangers – approaching them, meeting them, engaging them. In the case of a networking event, the answer is easy. Of course you are going to devote the time to mix, mingle, and make contacts. And if you’re an entrepreneur, of course you’ll want to practice your pitch over and over and over!

For the other cases where you’re going about your daily life, when do you stop and talk to strangers? Or if someone approaches you, how much time do you give them before you walk away?

One friend of mine dedicates 15 minutes to anyone she encounters, giving the same amount of respect to politicians, CEOs, and people on the street. It’s helped her as her photography career’s developed. Is 15 minutes enough? Perhaps. I was on a MUNI train the other day, and it was stuck about half a block from its stop. Someone sitting got on the phone about five minutes after we’d been sitting there and basically talked about how we were waiting FOREVER. Since when is five minutes forever? 15 minutes must be ridiculous for that guy.

Still I’d love to try doing that. I know that it will require conscious effort. I have a tendency to want to walk away from salespeople and other solicitors, and sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be enough time outside of the daily routine to stop and chat. I’m also on the shy side when it comes to approaching strangers. They may be like me and want to walk away! Making the effort seems more daunting than just avoiding it altogether. Maybe that’s why I don’t consider bars to be very good places to meet people…

At the same, you don’t know what you end up missing by not having those encounters. Hmmm…

In recent conversations I’ve had with some friends [separate instances], the value of time in relation to social interaction came up as the subject. They, of course, led to other tangents in my mind, and I’m using this as a place to jot down the non-linear, even nebulous, thought bubble. It made me think about two areas related – friendships and talking to strangers [another entry].

In terms of friendships, how much time is one willing to spend nurturing it and making it grow? What makes that particular friendship worth the time that could be spent on another friendship? Must you pick and choose?

I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason. You encounter certain people in your life, and that such encounters are not without a purpose. Whether it is to make a huge impact, or just to enhance your experience, or to even lead you to other experiences, it all happens for a reason. Perhaps that is also why I have many acquaintances and for most of my life, felt spread across too many… not really bonding or engaging in friendships that last. I’d want to give everyone a bit of time, and then end up not giving any one person enough of the time.

Picking and choosing is not my forte. I want it all! But of course, it has to be done. Well then, how do you choose? For the consistent ones, it is easy. Dependable. Open. Two-way street. Make the effort. Consistently not any of those things, and it is easier to prioritize the energy spent. Like I was telling a friend, always a douchebag or asshole? EASY, unless I happened to be a glutton for punishment, and I sometimes am [it's a side effect of being optimistic].

It is the inconsistent ones that are hard to decipher. Some days, you can count on them. Other days, you won’t hear from them… What do you do then? Give them the benefit of the doubt and make the effort, wait around, or give up? Really hard to say. It’s like you’ve got 100% of your “friend time” in addition to “work time,” “self time,” “bodily functions time.” How do you distribute that “friend time” amongst the people you know? Do you give most of it to a few? Or do you spread it evenly over many? And of course, how do you decide?