[Super Duper Fantastic] ISFP/INFP. 4w5. World Explorer. Super Hero. Rose-colored Glasses.

What resonated with me the most from this conference, aside from obvious emphasis on healthy eating / living, was the acceptance of self and loving oneself. Rather than changing the way you look, you have to change the way you see first.

My issues do not stem from weight [although I am slightly underweight] as some of the stories I’ve read do. They come from living with a physical deformity for so many years. Surgery has “fixed” it, but it hasn’t really fixed the emotional trauma from not looking “normal.” I struggle with that even now. Some days are better than others. Particular weeks in the month when the hormones are out of whack are noticeably harder than others. On those days, on top of feeling miserable physically, I look in the mirror and think negative thoughts about how I look post-surgery.

It’s all me. I am aware of what I am doing when I do it, despite having the loving and supportive reinforcement from family and friends. I need to stop and think positively from the inside. Easier said than done, but I have to start somewhere.

Aren’t these absolutely fascinating to look at? You get to see all the nuts and bolts of the operation. Click on the photos for a larger view!

It irks me that the screws seem to be facing such arbitrary directions, but whatever – they get the job done! There are no visible scars, but if you run a finger along my lower jaw on each side, you can feel the gap in the bone. Kinda creepy, but neat too.

From the surgery until forever, I’ll have these titanium plates and screws in my face! They fortunately do not set off any alarms. Here are a side view and a full view of my head:

For those who are just joining the story now, I had a severe Class III maloclussion [underbite] for most of my life, which was finally corrected the day before New Year’s Eve last year. Talk about a rough way to end 2009 or to start 2010. Luckily, I have very supportive family and friends, and I made it through all of that. It was considered medically necessary because of just how far apart my teeth were. I had an open bite, and really none of my teeth touched when I ate. I don’t know HOW I survived the 28 years prior to surgery.

The surgeon widened the upper jaw and cut out a piece of the lower jaw and moved it back. Not a pretty surgery to imagine. I was banded shut with a splint for about six weeks before I was allowed to get off the liquid diet and start feeling “normal” again.

I have waited long enough to put the side-by-side comparison of the side view on the internet, so here it is:

Please excuse the extremely frazzled look due to lack of sleep. I schedule my orthodontist appointments for the morning, so I don’t have to take off too much time from work.

I’ve said goodbye to the old and am getting accustomed to the new. After eating solid foods since mid-February and exercising for the last three weeks, I have to come to terms that this is probably what my face will look like for the long haul [plus a few extra wrinkles and gray/white hair when I'm older]. I have the same prominent jaw line and tiny titanium screws in my face!

It’s interesting how the surgery changed the face shape completely simply by moving the jaw back. Very little will change from this point forward other than regaining feeling in parts that are still numb. I’ll be able to open my mouth wider and wider as time goes on.

I think I will cross this off the 101 in 1001 when I’m finally done with the braces too. It’s all just a part of the process, just like dealing with the hospital’s red tape – scheduling drama, billing, etc.

020 – Document jaw surgery. Before and after.

I feel as if I have tricked my orthodontist. I went in on Friday with the saddest face ever and complained about not having any real food for eight weeks [aka FOREVER]. To my surprise, he bought it, and the bands didn’t come back on once they were removed. I’m hoping it isn’t a fluke. I am seeing the oral surgeon this week, so hopefully he is okay with all of this.

In the meantime, I’m showing off that I can open up my mouth about an inch. Parts of the inside of my mouth are still numb, so I can’t really tell where the food is when it’s in my mouth. I put the food in, move my jaw up and down in chomping motions, and then swallow. So far, it has worked!

Here’s what I’ve eaten since the bands came off:

- unblended rice porridge
- unblended taro tapioca dessert
- really soft carrots, but the curry they were cooked in didn’t sit well with my stomach
- “water egg” [a common Chinese dish at our dinner table made of steamed water and eggs]
- grapefruit
- Garlic Fish and Spicy Eggplant over rice [take-out from local Chinese place]
- chocolate/banana/peanut milk smoothie
- thick cut [therefore, starchy] french fries with their jagged ends ripped off
- two small pieces of sushi [Salmon/Avocado and Spicy Tuna]

This is so great. I am SO happy to be off liquids. Keeping my fingers crossed that the oral surgeon doesn’t throw the bands back on when I see him this week!

On top of finally being able to eat, I love being able to talk again. Who knew I had so many words in me? I didn’t really notice until I couldn’t speak.

The splint is out! What a relief. That piece of plastic was getting pretty gnarly from seven weeks of just sitting in my mouth. Yuck and definitely TMI! So now I’m splint-free, but sadly still on the liquid diet. I’m in a much better mood though now that the surgeon has had the chance to see me. It was just not knowing how everything was healing up that was bothering me and adding to my overall impatience.

PLUS, I can talk again!

On Friday night, we went to the Chabot Space Center to see Festizio [@festizioband] perform in the planetarium. YES, IN the planetarium. How cool is that? The sound was fine from where I was standing, but I think the dome didn’t help carry the sound properly to the rest of the space. No matter – it was still a great time! AND for the first time in a long time, I could actually introduce myself to people and roam around without keeping RV or Keane or the sister by my side. Those three were my interpreters for the longest time – poor things!

It was a good show overall. They played some new songs, one of which I am a huge fan of. I found myself humming along to the recording Keane did for me the next morning. Listen to it here!

Throughout this entire process, one thing is certain: I am not alone.

It doesn’t matter that it is only my face that’s affected; everybody is wonderfully supportive. Rather than lock myself up at home, I go out quite a bit. By week three, I was not so swollen and had the energy to go out. I’d make sure to bring enough food to last me the duration of the outing. While everyone else is enjoying their food or booze, I down an Ensure Plus beforehand and hang out with my own beverage [non-alcoholic preferred]. Alcohol, like most everything else, just doesn’t taste the same with the splint in.

In doing so, I find out that many I encounter have known someone who has had jaw surgery or are going to have jaw surgery at some point. What I don’t understand is why I don’t see more of them out and about. Before this, I’d never run into those people?! Are they just locking themselves up during the healing process? Or perhaps they heal much quicker since their procedures may not be as dramatic as mine? One week out of the social loop compared to seven?

After many calls and emails, I was finally able to secure an appointment for next week. There’s no guarantee that the bands and splint are coming out, but at least I’ll have gotten checked up on. One of the bands from my braces fell out too, so the sooner I take care of the bands/splint, the sooner I can make an appointment to see the orthodontist to fix that. I’ll also be able to go to the dentist! I am in dire need of a cleaning, considering everything’s been SHUT for the last six weeks. Absolute grossness is all I can say.

All this counting down to when I can eat again, and I knew it would be too good to be true. I received a message yesterday. It was the oral surgeon’s office calling to reschedule. Of course, they don’t just call my cell phone, so I get the message right away. Instead, I have to call back on Monday.

So not fair.

This will surely result in a delay of splint removal. I’m hoping it’s not for more than a week because the Lunar New Year approaches. That means family feasts. I’ll need time to reacquaint my jaw to that chewing motion.

Hi there, it’s been about one month after surgery. I have been back at work for a week and a half. The liquid diet is definitely taking its toll, and I am on power-save mode. Luckily, that’s been okay at work. We don’t have any major deadlines that require overtime or anything, so I have been slowly getting back into gear. Aside from low energy, I am feeling pretty good. My face hurts now and then, but not to the point of being unbearable. At night, if my jaw feels clenched and uncomfortable, I take a little pain medicine, so I can fall asleep. I have read on some forums that some experience pain below the ears, and I haven’t had that. *phew* Still feeling numbness in the lower left lip + chin in that area.

Total weight loss has been around seven pounds. My clothing is loose, and I refuse to buy anything tighter because I can only assume that I will gain it all back as soon as the chompers are working. One more week until I may possibility be free of the splint/bands. Not free completely because they will replace them with removeable bands, but that opens a lot of doors in terms of what I can consume! *fingers crossed that I hear good news next week* It’s hard to smile when you’ve got a splint and bands in place. I’m hoping all the smiling and laughing is good exercise for the jaw because I’m doing a lot of it these days. My friends are hilarious, what can I say?

In the meantime, I have gone on select outings. As seen in the last entry, a Gaga-themed party. Also the birthdays of a few friends, along with a soup party this past weekend. It was hosted at the new house since we didn’t really have another venue. RV and Keane moved the couch in, so there was seating for all. It was a good time, and I can see the house being a great spot to host gatherings in the future. The kitchen needs some work though, so I have to get on that soon.

The parents are back from vacation, so RV is relieved of food duty for the time being. One more week, so excited!

I visited the oral surgeon this week, and I’m on the right track. I’m scheduled to have the bands replaced with removable bands in three weeks. THREE WEEKS! That’s a lot longer than I expected, but at the same time, it’s not without good reason. I have to be patient with the healing of the jaw. These things can’t be rushed. I’m off of the prescribed mouth rinse and most of my medications. The only one left is the antibiotics that I’m finishing up. I don’t hurt enough for me to take the pain medication regularly, so that’s good. I’m hoping these three weeks pass by quickly because five weeks is a long time to run on liquids. I’m getting hungrier by the day!

In terms of eating out, I really can’t. Even what I would normally consider to be liquid isn’t enough for me to drink out in public. Last night, we went to a Thai place for dinner. I’d already eaten, so it was more for RV. We ordered two dishes, so that he would have something for lunch the next day. So as not to appear suspicious, I filled up my plate, and when nobody was looking, we’d swap. So silly!

Oh, and thank goodness for health insurance! I received my itemized statement today. When I saw the total, ZOMG. Anyone want to take a guess on how much it was? I was in the operating room for seven hours, and anesthesia cost about 1/3 of the operating room.

I thought this photo might be amusing to some. It was taken five days post-surgery. As you can see, SWOLLEN.

For the first week or so, I was eating from these giant syringes from the hospital. Basically, I was so swollen that I couldn’t really suck liquids through my teeth, so I had to put the food into syringes and just squirt them into the back of my mouth. It was a very tedious process, and eating a meal took way longer than it was worth.

And of course, here’s a photo of what it means to be “banded shut.” The orthodontist put in some hooks before surgery, so that once everything was in place, the surgeon and his team could simply wrap rubberbands in the appropriate places to keep my jaw from moving.

I soon upgraded to spoons that were not so big that I’d get soup all over my face, but they were small enough to push the liquids right into my mouth. Then, I started eating out of certain small cups that wouldn’t allow liquids to dribble down my face. Finally, bowls were included in the list of drinkable dishes. I could finally say goodbye to the syringe diet and consume mass quantities of soup and blended rice porridge.

Thank goodness! I think so far I’ve lost 5 pounds max. I’ve regained some of it too. Sorry for the quality of the photos! We took everything with the iPhone. And for those wondering, straws are impossible with the splint in. :( I’ll have to save the bendy straws for when there’s more room in my mouth.