Okay, so I haven’t told JM anything more than not being able to go to San Diego with him at the end of the month. All the while, I’m starting something new and wonderful with someone else. Ugh, I’m horrible. I didn’t want to talk about it over messenger or email him about it, but I guess it might resort to that since we’re busy all the time.

It’s not like we were boyfriend/girlfriend. We were just dating, seeing each other 1-3 times a week. If I don’t do anything, will it just go away? Maybe?

I have gone and fixed the mistake that I was referring to several entries back. I am no longer going to San Diego with JM. Some time last week, the travel bug was biting, and I had suggested that we go somewhere. Why I did that, I don’t know. That was the mistake. He jumped on the idea, and before I knew it, we had plans to go to San Diego together… I realized soon after that I didn’t really want to take the trip to San Diego with him. Or continue to work on a relationship, for that matter. There are too many differences between us. It doesn’t feel as if we are getting any closer, and to continue this is to lock myself into a box that doesn’t quite fit.

It was cryptic because I wasn’t sure if JM was the mistake or if starting something with RV would be the mistake. I’ve figured it out since then…

This is obviously a back-dating of entries that I am only writing several days later. Time has passed, and I can look at it all retrospectively.

I had dinner with Victor, JM, and RV tonight. As Victor and I stood there waiting for the others to arrive, I told him of the predicament. I had gotten myself into something that I wasn’t sure that I wanted. Somewhere in the last few weeks, I had miscommunicated with myself and gotten myself into a little rut of sorts.

And as we all sat there at dinner, I observed. I listened, and I watched. Victor did the same thing. I could tell in his eyes what he was thinking as we looked at each other from across the table. He knew. I knew.

After dinner, Victor headed home, and the three of us went down the street for drinks.

It seems that I am actually the slow one. I tend not to know how to react. He says that this whole time, he thought that I was uncomfortable around him, and so he held back. He might be right. I think that I am not uncomfortable in the sense that he’s making me feel that way, but more of just not knowing… I would like to get to know him better.

He tells me that he will answer any questions that I should ask. But I cannot bring myself to do so. I’m awkward in conversation. Perhaps I really just don’t know what I want to know or care to know… What matters? I wonder about this and that, but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter what the answers are.

I just want to know him.

But I don’t know what to ask…

Saturday was hotter than hot, as expected. I was sweating, my sweat was sweating, and the clothes I was wearing were sweating as well. It was a great time though. I really enjoyed the music, and the acoustic version of Festizio [Yes, it's another plug for them. Go listen to their music!] was pretty awesome. Afterwards, two birthday parties. The first stop was at Al’s… As expected, it was like a frat party. After making our appearances and drinking their booze, we headed down to Jessica’s karaoke birthday party. Lots of fun. I think I woke up the next day with a sore throat from singing along to everything.

Today, met up with friends for coffee in the morning, watched Lunatique Fantastique, wandered into X21 Modern, 826 Valencia and Paxton Gate, and then laid out in the sun at the park with JM. We were there for HOURS. Dinner was mellow too. We swung by his friend’s place afterward because he’d left his bag there, and somewhere in conversation we had mentioned that he’d met a lot of my friends, and I’d only met his roommate. So there it was – I met two friends of his.

How long does one wait to introduce the person to friends? I didn’t wait all that long. Oops.

Anyway, I love weekends.

So sad to be heading back to the grind. Work’s super busy lately.

Yesterday was perfect. The weather was wonderful, and I was surrounded by friends. We started out with a picnic because the breakfast/brunch spot we wanted to eat at was closed. Armed with cheeses, crackers, and a whole lot of other “snacks,” we hit up Washington Square Park. Tangent: I remember coming to this children’s playground portion of this park back as a kid. We’d go down the slides, sit on the swings, and feed the birds. Now I only shake my fist and get irritated at the folks who feed the birds… I’ve turned out quite cranky!

Chrissi, a girl from Germany who contacted me via Couchsurfing, joined us at the park. I always love mixing and mingling my various circles. Human interaction between cultures can be quite entertaining. People often take for granted the idioms used and the idea of sarcasm. I could totally see the blank stares when one or the other couldn’t quite understand. Even a simple mix-up with terminology brought a smile to my face. I absolutely love how small the world is getting, especially in terms of traveling and communicating.

A little while later, we all wandered to Dolores Park for ice cream, more sun and people-watching. The tightrope walkers were out, a random band was playing in the middle, and there was even a goat… Yes, a goat in the middle of the park. So bizarre, but my friends have photographic evidence.

Afterwards, wandering around the Mission to show Chrissi some of the random shops and murals. Such a beautiful day in the neighborhood. [cue Mr. Rogers' theme]

And in the evening, I hung out with JM. We had a post-picnic clean-up dinner at Stern Grove; he helped me finish up a lot of the leftovers from earlier in the day. Nothing like a nutritious cheese & cracker, tomato & mozzarella, bread & pita chip dinner. Afterwards, we watched Stanley Kubrick’s Lolita. Of course, it was a DVD box set from Asia, so his name was really Stanlet Kubrick. I was most definitely amused.

How was YOUR Labor Day?

I had hoped that there would be several degrees of separation between JM and me, but alas, that is not the case! We are separated by ONE, just ONE! He came out to Christopher’s birthday party on Saturday at Lucky 13, and it turned out that he was an acquaintance of one of my friends. It’s a small city. He got to meet most of the people who make regular appearances in my life. I’m probably breaking every dating rule there is out there on how long one should wait to introduce the person to the circle, but hey, I’m learning! And so far it hasn’t backfired on me yet…

I actually do like the pace that we’re going at the moment. I’d rather not move quickly along or jump into anything. I am definitely still self-conscious. It’s still that “I hope this person still likes me… even though I [fill-in-the-blank].” I could fill in the blank with so many off-the-wall things. *sigh* He’s off to Burning Man next week, so probably will be incommunicado.

Other news, work schedule is crazy. I won’t be getting the time off that I’m wanting in October. In fact, I’ll be a busy bee until December. It’s madness but will be a good experience. I hope. I’ll be driving a LOT in the next half year…

I have to take a nap tonight after dinner. JM and I are heading out to see the meteor shower that I’ve been raving on about for the last few weeks. Hopefully, there’s stuff to be seen. Last night, we went to dinner and then back to his neighborhood to see if we could catch any meteors early on. No such luck.

We, if I can even call it a “we,” are progressing rather slowly. I’m beginning to feel like he’s either: 1) not that into me, or 2) just inexperienced. I’m leaning towards the second one just because I’m hoping he isn’t just spending time with me to not be at all interested. I mean, if that’s the case, let me know, so I’m not just wondering what is wrong with me. AND if it’s the second reason, it just means I have to be super patient OR just make something happen.

If it’s the first reason, I’ll be mildly irritated at him for dropping false hints and at myself for not seeing it sooner.

As a side note, I seem to take my dates [MH and JM] to that same restaurant. It isn’t entirely my fault though, as I gave several options. He just happened to pick this one.

I spent today working in the City. When I’m working elsewhere, I think about how much I want to be back here. When I’m here, I think about how wonderful it would be to walk outside and NOT be cold. It was 90+ degrees where I was the rest of the week. Now it’s upper 60s or so? Greener grass, as usual.

Went to lunch at JM’s company’s cafeteria [free food - yay!]. That was pretty cool. They have a very nice view of the Bay Bridge, and his coworkers are hilarious. I am slowly growing fond of the guy. I’m definitely in that “hope he likes me” stage. Trying to keep my cool, hehe. He’s heading out of town for the week, and I’m going to training the following week. Wondering how and if this will pan out.

Tonight is going to be pretty relaxing. Not heading out until later in the evening, and even then, I’ll be hanging out with friends, playing Rock Band. I’m slowly getting into that game. If I start dreaming about it though, I’ll have to stop.

I need to come up with other reasons to hang out with someone. All these eating-related [AND drinking] events are leaving me feeling heavy and exhausted. I know that I have high metabolism and that it doesn’t really show on my body, but I feel icky patooey gross!

Ideas include:
- Bowling
- Hanging out at Dolores Park
- Watching a movie
- Going for a hike
- Riding bikes

Of course, once the activities are finished, I will be quite famished. Guess what? Back to square one!

JM and I had dinner last night at a restaurant that I love. There is a dish there that is loaded with butter. They classify their food as soul food. Yeah, definitely fattening. Afterwards, we had some tasty ice cream across the street. We really do need to come up with other ideas. OR I’ll have to stick to the low fat, low carb, low whatever dishes. *sigh*

I need a Wii Fit or something.