In July 2008, I wrote the following:

True love is an idea. A dynamic idea that changes over time and as one’s perception is influenced by those one encounters.

And I think that once one’s accepted this, falling in love or meeting someone doesn’t seem as impossible or as distant. I meet a person. I don’t seek perfection. It’s more of finding someone I can trust, want to trust, and want to be trusted by. It’s someone I want loyal to me and I want to be loyal to. It’s a mutual understanding that hey, we’re not perfect, but we get along, and we want to live and grow old together. Mutual tolerance of flaws and differences, while at the same time, learning and growing together, one not allowing the other to remain stagnant.

I still believe it to be true.

And while we did not specifically celebrate Valentine’s Day with a romantically planned evening [we laid floor tile and had Chinese New Year dinner with my family], I think my sentiment on the day is the same that I have for Thanksgiving: It doesn’t matter what the designated day is; you should express love and good thoughts to family, friends, and lovers as often as you’re comfortable with.

And now for something heartbreaking and touching…

“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

I’m clinging to RV like static these days. Must make the effort on NOT being like that. Working a billion hours will help. He’s also going to be taking classes again soon, so our time together will be limited. I’m wondering if the clingyness is due to: 1) insecurity or 2) enjoying all time spent together. Might be both.

Will discuss further if it becomes an issue.

In other news, I just came back from a trip up to visit his father for the holidays. It was a 2.5 hour drive away to middle-of-nowhere California. An interesting man with a very quirky personality. I can see now what characteristics that RV gets from both of his parents.

Not long after RV dropped the L-word on me, I was throwing it back at him. Sometimes it felt like the right moment to say it. I was probably using it more than he was. Things are going well. At the same time, I’m beginning to sense some hesitation within myself. I’m not quite sure how this is all turning out. I see him so often that I’m beginning to feel a little antsy. I think he sees it too. As much as we love spending time together, it just becomes that – coexisting, rather than experiencing something fresh and new. On the one hand, being able to be that comfortable with each other is very nice. But still, I like to keep things exciting. I know that things will be different when I’m working my butt off again and will have less time to spend with him, so for now, I’m enjoying all the time we can spend together.

We are spending this evening apart. We’ll see each other later tomorrow when we head to the De Young Museum.

Photos are from the day after Christmas. We watched the sunset over Los Angeles from Griffith Park.

He dropped the L-word, and I didn’t say it back. I thought it. I just didn’t respond the way a NORMAL person would. Instead, I said, “No, you don’t.”

What’s wrong with me?

It wasn’t like I didn’t know he was going to say it. He’d been hinting at it for awhile, but mentioned that he thought it’d be scary so quickly in to say it, even though he felt it. It’s only been two months.

When you haven’t been in a relationship in awhile, to hear it and to say it… it just feels different. I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.

True love is an idea. A dynamic idea that changes over time and as one’s perception is influenced by those one encounters.

And I think that once one’s accepted this, falling in love or meeting someone doesn’t seem as impossible or as distant. I meet a person. I don’t seek perfection. It’s more of finding someone I can trust, want to trust, and want to be trusted by. It’s someone I want loyal to me and I want to be loyal to. It’s a mutual understanding that hey, we’re not perfect, but we get along, and we want to live and grow old together. Mutual tolerance of flaws and differences, while at the same time, learning and growing together, one not allowing the other to remain stagnant.

I want to believe that I will find “true love.” In the meantime, I’ll keep trying to figure it out.

This entry was inspired by a friend who wrote about his take on love.

San Francisco is the love of my life.

I am constantly reminded of what this city has to offer. I am definitely biased, growing up here, but I seriously cannot get enough of this city. Sure, not every day is as beautiful as the next, but there’s just so much going on within the 232 square miles [source: Wiki]. And even if one wants to get away, it’s easy.

I might one day wander away, but I will always be back.

Three years, one month, four days. Even being so far apart, he was an integral part of my life, my daily routine. I probably made the wrong decision. But if it was meant to be, it’ll come together again. Different place, different time.

I really hope we stay friends – the best of friends. Of billions and billions of people out there, I didn’t meet him, get to know him, and love him, only to have him fade away from my life.

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“There can be no transformation of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion,” wrote psychologist Carl Jung. That should be your motto in the coming week, Libra. Clear thinking and impeccable logic will not be sufficient to guide you to your next great adventure. You need the driving force of succulent emotion rising up in your solar plexus, the lush power of raw sensitivity piercing your heart. Feel as deep as you dare.

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It’s not like I haven’t tried this before. The long distance would get to me, and I’d try to take a break, only to find myself calling him and holding on. He’s in Ireland at the moment (soon to return), and I will be in Spain in a little over a week. I’ll have time (20 days) to clear my mind. I already miss him, and it probably doesn’t help that he’s plastered all over my life.